I’m no psychologist and am not trained to give advice in dealing or coping with grief, but I can tell you how I coped and you may take from this what you will.
It has been seventeen years to the day, since I lost my mother. I have thought long and hard whether to write this post, and I have decide to. The reason why is, death is something that will effect everyone at some point in their lives – It is as sure as there is life. I wanted to share with you how I coped and am still coping with the loss of someone so close to me.
I wish there was a handbook that tells you specifically how to react, behave and deal – but, here is the thing, everyone will deal with and process loss/grief in different ways.
You have to just find a process which works for you.
The best advice I can give is taking each day one step at a time, and I know people who suffer loss hear this all the time, but it is true.
I was 16 years old when I lost my mother, this was the first major loss I have suffered that I can remember; to me it felt like someone reached down into my chest and removed my heart.
I felt that if I stood still for just long enough, I would stop breathing and then I could be with her, and that all the pain would just stop.
It wasn’t that I didn’t feel loved by the rest of my family, I did and I felt it. I knew my brothers and sisters were hurting too!
I felt cheated. Cheated that I was only sixteen years old and I needed my mother. I didn’t get to say sorry for all the things I said but didn’t mean; the fact that she would never be at my wedding; or meet my first child.
These are some of the things that ran through my head. I felt the most lonely when I was by myself.
But one of my coping methods is remembering the good times, the way she laughed, smelled, or would just be there when you needed her.
And yes, it does get easier each day – you don’t need to feel guilty because you are laughing; or you had a good day; because the best way we can honour the life and memory of those that have passed on is by living your life to the fullest.
So, keep strong, try and talk about your feelings if you can, because it does help. Get a diary, jot down your feelings, or talk to someone. As I said previously everyone deals differently – you might want to shut yourself in a dark room – but don’t! Surround yourself with the people that love you and want to help. Letting it out is always better than keeping it in.
Find your own pathway.
I’m dedicating this to all my brothers and sisters and all the people who are experiencing loss at this time.
Happy Mothers’ Day, mum. May your soul rest in perfect peace.
Love you always